Today I read and am still thinking about Psalm 73 (the psalm of Asaph). This was really interesting to me.
In this Psalm Asaph first talks about how frustrated he is because of others being blessed with worldly things. He is extremely jealous and is explaining his feelings about this. Then the psalm takes a new shift where he talks about himself and how this has effected him. Shortly after he went into the sanctuary of God. It was then that he recognizes how foolish he is being.
For me, I know that I find myself sometimes doing this. I don't think I have to the extent that Asaph was but I was still doing it. I look at some close friends in my life and wonder how they can have all these wonderful things and not be hurting financially while my husband works so hard to provide for us and we are struggling financially so badly. Most of the time, I stop and realize how amazing God is and how silly I am being. We are always provided for. We always come up with the money to pay this or that bill and always have food in our bellies. He is so amazing. It does make me sad sometimes that we can't afford to buy the latest video game system for my husband because he does work so hard for our family but God is doing so many other wonderful things for us.
I was thinking about if there was ever a time that I struggled with the feeling that it doesn't pay to obey God. Of course I would love to answer no to that question but the truth is that I dealt with this as a teenager when I wanted to lose my virginity and then to continue in this sinful act. I remember thinking that I didn't want to disappoint God but that it had to be an amazing experience if everyone of my friends was saying it was. I was listening to the world and I wanted what I wanted. I didn't want the world to end without me experiencing something so great. Isn't that silly. It is so stupid. Doesn't this remind you of the story of Adam and Eve and the eating of the forbidden fruit. Lucifer was really good at whispering those lies to them, and to me. I have to take full responsibility for this one though. I'm a fool. God had a plan for me. He wanted me to meet the man that He chose for me, the one that would choose to love me in the hardest of times and the one that committed to share his life with me and I committed to share mine with him. This man would be the only one that would get that part of me. That would be something so special that only we could have shared. God didn't want to keep anything from me at all. He wanted me to experience it in the best way possible so that I could enjoy it to the fullest. How naive was I?
Through my sin and my struggles I have come to know God as my Savior and my provider. He is the one that I want to go to in times of trouble because He always is there for me. All I know is that God is God and I am not. He is all and knows all so even when I don't understand something, I can always trust IN Him. He has all the answers and wants the best for me.
God, you have never failed me. You are always there for me and with me. I can't be wrong if I'm in harmony with you. Lord, please help me to remember this when I don't always understand and when life gets really hard. I love you. Thank you for who you are.
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